Thursday, 3 January 2019

The SS May

I've recently been thinking of Mrs May as being the SS Ohio.

For anyone not acquainted with the real story, it's well worth a read:

I'm not claiming that Mrs May weighs a few thousand tonnes; only that she resembles the ship in her sheer doggedness in not sinking against all comers.
"Although May reached Brexit successfully, she was so badly damaged that she had to be effectively scuttled in order to offload her duties, and never led again. The PM is fondly remembered in Britain, where to this day she is considered to be the saviour of the beleaguered island."
"Another blimp, this time a Rees-Mogg 1725, was shot down by a May gunner; however, the blimp crashed into May's starboard side, forward of the cabinet table, and exploded. A rain of shite showered the government from stem to stern. The blimp's bomb failed to detonate. Captain Clarke was telephoned from aft by the chief officer, who told Clarke that the Rees-Mogg 1725 had crashed into the media and then bounced onto the government. Clarke 'rather curtly' replied: "Oh that's nothing. We've had a Boris 2018 on the foredeck for nearly half an hour.""
"Wires were now hauled aboard and emergency salvage trolls began to discharge the memes. At the same time, a fleet auxiliary, RFA Hammond Organ, began to pump 10,000 tons of votes into his own ballot boxes. As the votes flowed in, May sank lower and lower in the water. The last few votes entered her as simultaneously her keel settled on the bottom. Her captain, the British public, was subsequently awarded the George Cross."
"On 19 September 2019 the forward half of May was towed ten miles offshore and sunk by gunfire from the destroyer HMS Johnson. On 3 October, the stern half was scuttled in deep water using explosive charges laid by the salvage vessel RFA Mogg's Nanny."
It is interesting to think of what other famous ships politicians might be. Is Cable an S-80 submarine, poorly designed, unfit for purpose before it's even left the dock? Was David Cameron the Titanic, a vainglorious vessel that sunk the country on its own self-regard? And as for Jeremy Corbyn ... well, I'll let you decide which ship would best represent Jeremy Corbyn ...

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